“ Sure, Paul Simon is one of the most well-known musicians in the world. Sure, you look nothing like him. But you already have his bank account number and Social Security number, so why would you not be Paul Simon? I mean, really, what’s more likely — that someone somehow managed to steal all of his personal information, or that Paul Simon suddenly grew a foot taller, aged backward, and became Hispanic? The latter, of course. But just to be totally safe, you should throw in some rocker lingo (“I’d like to withdraw $4,300, daddy-o”) and casually drop some references to your friendship with Art Garfunkel (“Art Garfunkel and I used to hang out at this bank all the time back in the sixties”). Maybe absentmindedly whistle a few bars of “The Boxer” while the teller fetches Paul Simon’s money, to really seal the deal. And that’s it. It’s foolproof. You’ve done it again, Rafael. You’re the man.
